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Destiny Bridge by Frank
Worthen
A
JOURNEY OUT OF HOMOSEXUALITY
PROLOGUE
The sun was beating through
the window and had raised the temperature of my office to an uncomfortable
degree, defeating the best efforts of the air conditioner. I was fighting off
an overwhelming feeling of drowsiness, trying my best to focus all my attention
on "Brad," the young man who sat across the desk from me. He was pouring out
his frustrations and I knew he was counting on me to listen. I fixed my eyes on
his sad face, thinking how similar his story was to that of literally hundreds
of other troubled men I'd talked to over the years-men who had struggled with
homosexuality and gender confusion.
"Tell me about your
parents?" I said, paying close attention now not only to his words by also to
his facial expressions and body language.
Over several
decades, innumerable young men had sat where Brad was sitting. The faces, had
changed, the circumstances of their lives had varied, but the basic story
remained all-too familiar. I studied Brad's boyish face and saw how nervously
he was gesturing with his hands. Tears welled up in his eyes as he answered my
question, but his voice remained as clear as it was dramatic. "My father never
understood me. Never! We always have had a terrible relationship. To be
honest
" He paused.
"Yes?"
"To be honest, I
have always hated my father! I wish he was dead!" Now his voice broke. I waited
for a moment or two and then quietly urged him to continue, "And your
mother
?"
Brad told me that
he loved his mother. She had always come to his defense. She was the one who
knew and understood him when his father didn't even try. Even when he had told
his mother about his homosexual orientation, she had comforted him and vowed,
"I promise not to tell Dad!"
Then the young man
said something that seemed shocking to him, but didn't surprise me at all.
"Even though I love my mother," he hesitated briefly before continuing, "I know
this is weird, but I also hate her!" He went on to explain that what he really
hated was the control she exerted over his life. Would she ever allow him to
grow up and make his own decisions? But that wasn't the only reason he "hated"
his mother.
Ever since early
childhood, like so many other young men who struggle with same-sex attraction,
Brad had taken upon himself the responsibility for his mother's happiness and
security. "Somehow, someway, she always drove me to take care of her. She
leaned on me, and we are tied together in a kind of mutual bondage. I feel like
I've somehow stepped into my father's shoes. He was never there for her, but I
am!" The he added, "
whether I want to be or not!" He talked more about
protecting his mother from neglect and abuse. He wished he could be free, but
deep inside he knew that only her death would free him from the chains of this
responsibility.
"That's not the
only thing," Brad went on, "I have always had trouble with other guysguys
my own age in school and in the neighborhood where I grew up. They called me a
fag, a queer, a sissy. They hated me for no reason!"
Brad choked back
tears again as he told me that he had loved a boy in one of his classes, but
this boy had never once acknowledged that Brad even existed. Lonely and
depressed, desperate for male affection and attention, Brad had begun to search
for love and attention elsewhere. Before long, he found older men in parks who
wanted him. Brad had given himself away, freely and without restraint.
Eventually he had become so obsessed with anonymous sex that he had taken
deadly risks, and had finally been arrested on lewd-conduct charges.
Suddenly he stopped
talking, looked over at me and said, "But you don't understand either."
In fact, Brad could
have not been more wrong. I wasn't like the other counselors and pastors he had
talked tonothing like them at all. Why? Because I had walked in his
shoes. Oh, had I ever! I understood all too well what Brad was saying. It may
have been the story of countless other young men, but it was my story, too.
Looking into his disbelieving face, I adamantly assured him that, yes, I did
understand.
After offering him
what help I could at the time, the session was soon over. I walked Brad to the
door just as the staff was leaving. It was five o'clock. I gave him a hug and
bade him farewell. There might have been a time when I would have hugged him
for the wrong reasons but, by God's grace, that was all behind me. Now I hugged
him because I knew very well what he was facing. As he walked away, I was left
to my own reflections. Like Brad, I had known rejection, humiliation,
insecurity, lack of male affirmation, loneliness, and self-hatred. These all
had played a major role in my past life.
Now writing these
words, I am 80 years old. There have been many young men like Brad who imagined
I could never understand. And so, for the benefit of these countless
strugglers, I've met and worked with, and because of the wonderful way the Lord
has used my past weaknesses to give others strength for the present and the
future, I have recorded my long and difficult spiritual journey in the pages
that follow. I hope it will be of help to others who struggle with homosexual
issues. And also, I hope that it will bring to those who love them, some
understanding of the causes of homosexuality and of the difficult journey "gay"
people face. Homosexuality is often called "Father Replacement Search;" and,
sadly, most of the time the facts bear out the validity of this theory.
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TABLE OF
CONTENTS |
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Prologue |
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4 |
Chapter
One: |
The Boy
in the Attic |
8 |
Chapter
Two: |
Family
Losses and New Beginnings |
28 |
Chapter
Three: |
Dangerous Liaisons |
54 |
Chapter
Four: |
Life in
the Big City |
83 |
Chapter
Five: |
My Brave
New World |
103 |
Chapter
Six: |
Triumphs, Troubles, and Turning Points |
123 |
Chapter
Seven: |
Destiny
Bridge |
143 |
Chapter
Eight: |
Destiny
Takes Shape |
165 |
Chapter
Nine: |
A
Movement is Birthed |
187 |
Chapter
Ten: |
"Lord,
Don't Do This To Me!" |
203 |
Chapter
Eleven: |
Matters
of Life and Death |
231 |
Chapter
Twelve: |
Please...Not Another New Beginning! |
259 |
Epilogue |
|
290 |
Contact
Information |
|
296 |
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ORDER YOUR COPY OF Destiny
Bridge NOW!
Articles
by Frank Worthen:
Frank Worthen's Testimony
What is Homosexuality?
Same-Sex Attraction
Ex-Gay: Fact, Fraud or Fantasy?
© New Hope
Ministries. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.
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