Over the course of the next couple of blog posts we would like to flesh out the concept of celibate homosexuality, or victorious (that is, obedient) singleness.
Lately our culture, both inside and outside the church, has been presented with the concept of gay Christianity. Actually this is not a new idea; it has been around quite a while. It is a theological concept that is in error as well as dangerous, a slippery slope that enables our flesh and also deadens the voice of the Holy Spirit within us. This is true for those struggling with same-sex attraction and also for any Christians who believe they can live out the desires of the flesh or—worse yet—who imagine that God ordains such ideas.
Change is possible, but it is not easy. It is often a long and difficult journey. It is very tempting to say, “Enough already! I will go no further.” We grow weary of the daily challenges; we just want the pain to go away. We become willing to accept less than the best God has for us. We opt for celibate homosexuality. The problem then becomes: we often have lapses and find it as difficult to maintain celibate homosexuality as it would have been to continue the journey with God toward healing. At this point some say, “I tried my best but it didn’t work,” and return to the gay lifestyle.
If we are honest with ourselves, we know full well the gay lifestyle does not deliver. It is an elusive fantasy, but we often put more effort into trying to make it work than we do in trying to follow God. Why? Because like any sexually-immoral lifestyle, it offers moments of excitement and pleasure. It provides fleshly connections, a counterfeit to the deep connections we so desperately need.
God can provide the genuine connections we long for, but they will not provide th犀利士
at adrenaline rush that can make gay connections and other illicit relationships so exciting. We take the immature route, we grab for immediate gratification instead of trusting and waiting for God. Learning to trust Him with our relationships can be very painful and humbling. We must unlearn one way of relating to people—a way that is selfish and self-gratifying—and learn a different way: the way of love and selflessness. Through our pain and discomfort, He will be leading us toward a better way of life.
Victorious Singleness
So, what is victorious singleness? Let’s backtrack for a moment. When we first became believers, we left the gay lifestyle and we felt very victorious to be living a celibate life. God empowered us to make right choices and we were careful to avoid the traps set for us by the enemy. However, what is good and right for the “milk” stage is not meant to remain for life. God is forever moving us forward, strengthening us and testing us. Eventually we must leave this stage and move on to the “meat” stage (I Cor. 3:2). Remember our recent conversation with a doula? What was once enough to nourish us now is no longer nourishment enough. What was once “hot” for us, has cooled and is now “lukewarm” (Rev. 3:15).
The Apostle Paul says, “Enfolded in love, let us grow up (mature) in every way and in all things into Him” (Eph. 4:15 Amp.). Just like a loving parent, our Lord want us constantly taking small steps towards growth and maturity. Small, diligent victories will eventually lead to a victorious life. One of the best ways to determine if we are moving forward and growing in our spiritual walk is to keep a journal. Here we have evidence that we are gaining ground. We can look back one month, one year, and see where we were then, asking ourselves the hard questions: “Have I gained ground since then? Have I learned something from the testing that came my way? Are my actions as well as my heart more Christ-like?”
The Lone Ranger
The “Lone Ranger” Christian will find it very difficult to make progress. We say this gently because we do believe there are times in testing and trials when God will make our relationships fall by the wayside, leaving us alone with Him. His purpose is for us to learn to trust and confide in Him, and sometimes He intends to separate us from unhealthy connections. However, we must remember God has said it is not good for man to be alone. He regularly uses other people to bring truth and healing into our lives, rather than simply healing us directly; He calls others to come to our aid. Because God is relationship, He wants us to have relationships and has built in us a deep desire and longing for connection: first to Him, then to others. God created us to be social beings and we need community.
The enemy is well aware of our need for inclusion and often provides a worldly community to match our need. The gay lifestyle is such a community. It tries to meet a very legitimate need for connection and relationship, but in an illegitimate, ungodly way. God wants us involved in a solid Christian community. We need encouragement from other Christians, we need the genuine love they can offer, and we need them to intercede in prayer on our behalf. However, we must be transparent and accountable to other Christians, or we will have nothing but dissatisfaction and loneliness.
We Are Victorious
We are victorious when we are hearing from God and are in the exact place He wants us to be on the road to healing. Sometimes this place can be painful and frustrating, but take courage: God is in control and we are being tried and tested in order to grow in faith and maturity. Where we were yesterday is not good enough for today. We are to grow a bit each day of life. Does a victorious Christian arrive at a place of no temptation? Just how victorious must we be? Again, we are victorious when we are in the center of God’s will. Another way of saying this it to say that we are victorious when we are submissive and obedient to God’s will.
The Lord promises to never give us more than we can handle: “God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear” (I Cor. 10:13). He knows full well where we are in our journey, and what comes next. He will not hold us responsible for things He has yet to heal. However, He does expect us to seek Him in all our trials and temptations, and He is always faithful to give us a righteous way of escape.
Next we will look at God’s unfolding plan for our lives, and how to find victory in spite of our short-comings and failures.